A wise, old owl sat on an oak,
The more he saw, the less he spoke.
The less he spoke, the more he heard,
Why can’t we all be like that bird?
The ancient Greek philosopher Zeno said that we have been given one mouth and two ears that we may hear more and talk less.
As parents and caregivers we are often so focused on imparting knowledge and giving direction, that we forget that it is equally important to listen to our children.
Listening is important because it affects the way children see themselves. When adults listen to children it gives their words and feelings value.
Listening is about two-way communication between adult and child - each valuing and respecting the views of the other.
Children who are listened to are usually well adjusted and self-confident.
Child abuse and listening to children
Every child has the right to be loved and cared for and to feel safe both at home and away from home. Children often try to tell adults if they have experienced abuse but it is very difficult and painful for them. They often feel ashamed and frightened and find it hard to find the right words to explain.
As adults we can make things easier for children by recognizing when a child is trying to talk about a difficult subject. We should get into the habit of listening to children so that they feel comfortable talking to us about their worries.
By building a trusting relationship with a child you will make it easier if he or she needs to tell you something that is hard to talk about.
As a father with two growing children, I often find it difficult to get them to complete their activities without a sense of frustration creeping into it. My children aged 4 and one are very active, impatient and want to get things done, before they even conceptualise their ideas.
What I've discovered is that it is often a mere push that gets them the satisfaction, rather than constrict their thoughts. I've found that the following tips help them solve their problems without frustration.
1. Don't jump in too quickly to solve problems for
the child. That short-circuits the child's ability to work out
solutions independently. This is especially true in their early age, and is an important point we parents must remember. The less we allow independent thoughts at this age, the less likely, the child will develop an inquisitive activity later in life.
2. Help her name her emotion. She says, "This is
stupid!" You say, "You're really feeling frustrated, aren't
you?". Getting them to identify their emotions goes a long way in their learning to control their emotions. Often, we let children use the same emotions for all their problems.
3. Validate his feeling. That helps him move on
instead of wallowing and getting stuck. He says, "I hate this
game!" You say, "This is hard work, isn't it?"
4. Help him clarify his goal. He grunts. You say,
"What were you trying to do, anyway? Build a tower?"
5. Wonder aloud with him. You become a partner in
problem-solving rather than an adult who holds all knowledge. You
say, "Did you notice you're building it on a rug? I wonder if it
would be more steady on the floor." He says, "Yeah, and look, I can
make it taller!"
